There I was... in line at the SuperHero Diagnosis Center. When my number came up, they sent me down a long corridor where I was greeted by an obese transvestite in a lab coat. He-she had coke bottle glasses and a fake lisp that spit-whistled over a grizzled baretone voice.
When I asked the doctor if diagnosing superpowers was his superpower, he laughed coughed and laughed some more. Then told me that his superpower was the ability to make men pay him for sexual favors.
I laughed nervously and said, "So... hope you don't use your powers on me!"
I laughed nervously and said, "So... hope you don't use your powers on me!"
He laughed and replied in his curiously lispy wrasp, "That would be unprofeshhhhhhional! Beshides, my power only works on Danny Bonaduce, Eddie Murphy and Nicolas Cage."
"Nicolas Cage?" I said.
Shaking his head and pausing briefly, he replied...
"That fucker made me shit through 2-hours of Bangkok Dangerous. I'll show him shum dangerous bang cock! I'll bang cock his Face Off within 8mm of his life. He'll think I'm a National Treasure and before our Honeymoon In Vegas is over I'll be Gone In 60 seconds!"
Shaking his head and pausing briefly, he replied...
"That fucker made me shit through 2-hours of Bangkok Dangerous. I'll show him shum dangerous bang cock! I'll bang cock his Face Off within 8mm of his life. He'll think I'm a National Treasure and before our Honeymoon In Vegas is over I'll be Gone In 60 seconds!"
I'm not gonna lie. While it was uncomfortable to sit through Tranny Doctor's diatribe, I was equal parts amused and fascinated.
"So, 2 things doc." I responded.
"One - For a guy who hates Nicolas Cage you sure have seen a lot of his movies. Two - You lost your lisp have way through your rant."
"So, 2 things doc." I responded.
"One - For a guy who hates Nicolas Cage you sure have seen a lot of his movies. Two - You lost your lisp have way through your rant."
Waiving his arms in a giant circular motion and inching closer with an intense gaze he replied.
"One - The lisp is my source of power. It's how I got Beverly Hills Cop in trouble. TWO - Have you seen his work in Con Air? A cajun army ranger with a mullet. Tour de force my friend... tour de force."
As much as I wanted to learn more about his obsession with the Wicker Man, there were bigger fish to fry.
"Wait a minute. You said your powers only work on Bonaduce, Dr. Doolittle and Ghost Rider. So why are you lisping at me? You... are ... not my doctor are you?"
He shrugged his shoulders and with a coy smile, pointed at the door across the way.
"Your doctor is across the hall. I'm here 'cause a certain someone played Daddy Day Care with my man junk until it was raw."
This confession triggered my crossing card stance. With one hand halting him and the other reaching for the door knob, I walked backwards towards the door, never once releasing my intense Judo stare. Ready to use my Yellow Belt tactics at any time.
He shrugged his shoulders and with a coy smile, pointed at the door across the way.
"Your doctor is across the hall. I'm here 'cause a certain someone played Daddy Day Care with my man junk until it was raw."
This confession triggered my crossing card stance. With one hand halting him and the other reaching for the door knob, I walked backwards towards the door, never once releasing my intense Judo stare. Ready to use my Yellow Belt tactics at any time.
Safe now. I made my across the hall.
"So doc... whats my SuperPower?"
TO BE CONTINUED
TO BE CONTINUED
0 Axe Me Anything!:
Post a Comment