15 WAYS TO BE MORE
AWESOMER IN
2008
- Say hello. The most powerful thing you can say to a person is not “I love you.” It’s “Hello”. Hello, is more than a greeting. It’s the first step in connecting to your surroundings and establishing community. Yet, sometime over the last 20 years we’ve gotten so caught up in our own devices that we’ve forgotten how to say it.
- Don’t pay $80 for a pair of glorified jogging pants. Trust me, there’s a plenty of $30 pants that make your ass look just as good.
- Quit complaining about gas prices. It’s like consenting to sodomy and then complaining that your ass hurts.
- Take the stairs. Elevators are for people who enjoy bad music and uncomfortable silences.
- Nobody cares that your fucking plane landed! So please wait until you’re off the plane to call and tell your buddies that you’re in a different city than you were 2 hours ago. I know dude. It’s mind blowing.
- Quit being a charity conspiracy theorist. Even if you believe that only 20 cents of every dollar makes it to the intended destination. Imagine how many cents on ZERO dollars will help the cause you so vehemently believe in.
- Take a different route to work every day. You’d be amazed at the kind of stuff you’d never see otherwise. Last week I saw 3 Ninjas playing backgammon in a wheat field. Red Ninja won, but was quickly beheaded. So. Shortsighted victory.
- Start using cloth grocery bags. They’re environmentally friendly and, you’ll be amazed at how much room you have under your sink when all the plastic garbage bags have disappeared.
- Drink water from the tap. The greatest marketing ploy of all time was convincing an entire continent of people that bottled water from someone else’s tap is better than yours.
- Get your news from three different countries. Preferably ones that wouldn’t enjoy a picnic together.
- Hug at least 1 homo this year. Do away with any residual homophobia you might have. There are plenty of things in this world for you to worry about. Who and how others love is not one of them.
- Quit being a cell phone Douchebag. No one on the bus wants to hear about your infection, your crazy ex-wife or your close call with that Thai hooker who had an adams apple. Maybe its best to use your inside voice for these things.
- Get off the phone when you’re driving. We all know you’re on the phone because you keep slowing down and speeding up and everyone is passing you on the right hand lane.
- Offer your seat to the older gentleman on the bus. Think of it as paving the way for a pay off in 50 years from now. One day you’ll realize that the simple act of standing for an extended period of time is absolutely exhausting but you’ll be too proud to ask for a seat. Give yourself a high five when the kid in the droopy jeans stands up and offers his seat. Then tell the kid to pull is pants up.
- Selfless acts are overrated. You’ll do more good in this world if you’re genuinely vested in the well being of others with the intention of feeling better about yourself and your place in this world.
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