- Who sneaks in $300 worth of liquor to an open-bar wedding? The Jetson's brother that's who.
- My sister-in-law roled down a hill in her dress... on purpose.
- Reffering to an Englishman as an Australian and yellin' "Gooday' Mate" all night, seemed a lot funnier at the time.
- It turns out that Tommy Boy is a good movie to watch while getting ready for a wedding.
- I caught a girl knitting during the speeches. When the speeches were over, she had half a scarf done. It was 30 degrees that day... but you never know when a blizzard might hit.
- Who entices wedding patrons to sneak behind the tent and try some authentic moonshine? The Jetson's brother that's who.
Memories
Black Market Life Lesson #339
Throwing money at a problem is a lot like shitting in a toilet to stop it from overflowing. It presents you with a whole new set of problems.
. Buddies....
Penticton
Dear Penticton,
Thank you for treating LBG and Team Awesome to a wonderful bachelor extravaganza. You are very nice this time of year. I enjoyed both of your lakes, despite their sub-zero temperature. I implore you to please do something about this, it was so cold little Jetson disappeared into his shell like a frightened turtle. With that said, your beach was nice. Not one used band-aid or dirty needle. Well done.
Penticton, thanks for all the personal touches you added to our trip. I enjoyed meeting the strippers at the Tim Hortons the next morning; it was nice to see that they’re people too.
Enjoying their coffee… fully clothed.
Thank you for allowing LBG to walk around in yellow fishnets and a pink tinsel sweater. Deep down he enjoyed it. Thank you also for crowning Sly Stamina as unofficial mayor of the city. He now knows all of your citizens by name and is well familiar with their back-story.
Kindest Regards,
Jetson
P.S. Your RV Park could use some cleaning up, maybe some patio lanterns or those lawn jockey statues that only I seem to find offensive.
I have a shiner. A real nice black eye.
If you look at me neck-up from the right side... I look like a pre-op transvestite.
Awesome.
Style vs. Warmth
She’s late for work. She forgets her gloves. It’s cold. She runs back into the house to get her gloves. On her way to the bus stop she realizes that her gloves are not a matching pair. No time to run back home. Warmth prevails over style. She catches the bus and shakes her head at the folly.
It’s 4:30pm. Her shift is over. She waits at the bus stop with her mismatched pair of gloves. Glad that she ran back into the house this morning. Happy that warmth prevailed over style.
5pm. She gets off the bus. It’s cold. She reaches for her gloves.
No dice.
She turns around to see the bus putter away with her mismatched pair of gloves. Just like that, two perfectly good pairs of gloves… ruined.
She walks home. Hands buried deep in her pockets.
In the end... style prevailed over warmth.
Dog Poo Archeology
- Have been supplementing my fiber in take with Metamucil. I highly recommend this if you want to shit out gorilla fingers.
- I saw I AM Legend last weekend. I kept hoping Uncle Phil would show up with an UZI with special zombie piercing bullets.
- I like it here. I’d like to blog more. I’d like to have a lot more people read it and wonder… why did I just read that?
- The snow is melting faster than the villain in Robocop who falls in toxic waste and then jumps in front of a car.
- I spent a considerable amount of time last weekend getting reacquainted with the fascinating work of Dog Poo Archeology. The painstaking task of uncovering and bagging countless piles of dog crap remarkably well preserved under layers of Canadian snow.
Interobanged!
Hey you! You might be wondering, what the hell just happened‽
Truth is…
You’ve been INTERROBANGED!
Oh Snap.
Brief History Of The Best Word Ever.
American Martin K. Speckter invented the interrobang in 1962. As the head of an advertising agency, Speckter believed that advertisements would look better if copywriters conveyed surprised rhetorical questions using a single mark. He proposed the interrobang (‽) A rarely used, nonstandard English-language punctuation mark intended to combine the functions of the question mark and the exclamation mark.
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